Beginnings, Endings & Counterbalances

It’s April, and if you’re in the northern hemisphere, Spring has been with you for the last month or so.

Spring is often thought of as a time of renewal, new life, and a welcome emergence from the short, dark days of winter. Gardens begin to bloom and a radiance of colour emerges to brighten our world. There’s an anticipation of a summer season soon to be here, and spirits lift a little, in spite of daily challenges.

In contrast, those in the southern hemisphere tell a different story. Summer is fast becoming a pleasant memory as the daylight hours gradually shorten and the cooler autumn (or ‘fall’) season progresses. Deciduous foliage tumbles to carpet the ground in its red and gold splendour.

Contrasts like this are common in our world as one phenomenon counterbalances or compensates for another. Isaac Newton captured this idea several centuries ago in his third law of motion: ‘For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.’

As I write this letter the Easter weekend is upon us, a time when Christians celebrate a significant death miraculously transformed into abundant resurrected life for all – a spectacular example of counterbalance and transformation.

It seems to me that the phenomenon of compensatory opposites is also an integral part of what the Enneagram suggests about human behaviour and personality in general. Our characteristic behavioural patterns typically compensate for something else.

Often, this ‘something else’ relates to an underlying fear resulting from real or imagined threats experienced in our distant past, and is often no longer relevant. But out of habit, we continue to react in the same old way. In our FIVE LENS approach, these underlying fears are linked to the ‘areas of avoidance’ associated with each Enneagram style. In reaction, to one of these ‘avoidances’, we each developed a compensatory pattern of behaviour that was an early attempt to reduce the fear and keep us safe. And so…….

• If I avoid criticism, I easily spot errors and work hard to correct them.

• If I avoid my own needs, I focus on serving other people’s needs.

• If I avoid failure, I work hard to achieve success and to win.

• If I avoid the ordinary and what I deem to be superficial or meaningless, I seek a depth of connection and purpose.

• If I avoid feeling socially uncomfortable, I tend to withdraw from social interaction.

• If I avoid risk and danger, I look out for hazards and do what I can to stay safe.

• If I avoid pain and negativity, I move quickly into the future and stay positive and optimistic.

• If I avoid being vulnerable, I show strength, power and drive.

• If I avoid conflict which can damage relationships, I do what I can to maintain peace and harmony.

Carl Jung suggested that we each have a ‘shadow’ side to our ‘personality’- a kind of counterbalance to our more apparent aspects. This is a darker, unconscious, ‘below the waterline’ part of ourselves of which, by definition, we are mostly unaware. When the ‘shadow’ reacts it can lead to uncharacteristic negative behaviour that contrasts starkly to our more usual way of being.

This ‘shadow’ initiated behaviour might initially be unconscious but if we self-observe and increase personal awareness we begin to recognize these reactions along with their triggers. According to Jung, the witnessing of our ‘shadow’ is the first step to becoming fully integrated.

If you’re interested in exploring your ‘shadow’, it may be helpful to consider not only the low integration aspect of your primary Enneagram style but also your least preferred Enneagram style – the pattern that you tend not to see much in your own behaviour. This is likely to be the lowest scoring Enneagram style in your FIVE LENS profile. Quite often, shadow behaviour seems to emerge from the less integrated aspect of this style and is a manifestation of the so-called ‘Passion’ (or ‘Vice’) associated with that style. You might like to check this out for yourself.

Enneagram 1:    Anger – expressed at others and towards self in the form of sharp criticism and judgement about whatever is deemed to be wrong or imperfect. It often goes hand in hand with bodily tension and a stern facial expression and can show up in cutting sarcastic outbursts.

Enneagram 2:    Pridefulness – an increased sense of self-importance and an expectation of positive affirmation from others. When this is not forthcoming there may be strong emotional outbursts of anger or tearfulness and possibly attempts to manipulate others in some way.

Enneagram 3:    Deception – attempting to portray self as being “better than I really am.” This can lead to a form of vanity as one tries to live into this portrayal. Aggressive, unhealthy, competitive behaviour might occur along with a closing down of softer emotions and an obvious impatience with others.

Enneagram 4:    Envy – comparing self with others resulting in a feeling of personal lack, or brokenness or that “there’s something wrong with me.” This can lead to deliberately sabotaging others, angry emotional reactivity, moodiness, and even depression.

Enneagram 5:    Avarice – resulting in an obsessive striving to hoard or hold onto knowledge and possessions. It’s often combined with a deliberate withholding of resources or information, from others. It represents a stinginess, a lack of generosity and a scarcity mindset.

Enneagram 6:    Fear – resulting in confusion of thought, deep self-doubt, and constant second-guessing in decision-making. There may be aggression or withdrawal emanating from a lack of self-confidence and self-trust along with suspicion and distrust of others.EnneagramE6:    Fear – resulting in confusion of thought, deep self-doubt, and constant second-guessing in decision-making. There may be aggression or withdrawal emanating from a lack of self-confidence and self-trust along with suspicion and distrust of others.

Enneagram 7:    Gluttony – expressed in over-indulgence, a desire for more of anything pleasant or exciting. It’s characterized by hedonism, a lack of self-discipline, a lack of restraint, and with a fundamental disregard for limits, boundaries or safety.

Enneagram 8:    Lust – over-stepping people’s boundaries, showing a lack of sensitivity that can lead to unnecessary aggression and the rough treatment of others. There’s often an over-use of power, strength and force that can damage people and relationships.

Enneagram 9:    Sloth – a laziness or lethargy in expressing self and getting into action;  self-abnegation, self-neglect and sometimes passive-aggression. Feeling out of touch with the core physical self, there’s a form of self-deletion and a feeling of vaguely floating along rather than being self-directed.

Enneagram 1:    Serenity – expressed as a calmness and acceptance of self and others. Relaxed and balanced, with a sense of spaciousness, freedom and flexibility centred on principles and values.

Enneagram 2:    Humility – a quiet confidence in feeling as worthy and important as anyone else with no need to work at increasing or decreasing your self-worth and knowing that others can survive without you.

Enneagram 3:    Authenticity – expressed in honesty and being who you really are regardless of what others think. Able to experience, acknowledge and express your own real feelings, and having a deep sense of ‘being’.

Enneagram 4:    Equanimity – knowing that you are enough and that you possess within yourself all you really need. Being less attached to your emotions such that they don’t constantly control your behaviour.

Enneagram 5:    Non-attachment – having a generosity of spirit and willing to share your time, energy, knowledge and other resources with others. Displaying an abundance mindset.

Enneagram 6:    Courage – being self-assured, confident, and responsible for your own life and decisions. Able to be open-hearted, vulnerable and displaying a sensible trust of others.

Enneagram 7:    Moderation – able to be still and experience the present moment. Being self-disciplined with appropriate boundaries in place. Able to concentrate and avoid distractions and excesses.

Enneagram 8:    Innocence – able to be vulnerable, open-hearted and gentle. Being sensitive to peoples’ feelings and supporting others when needed.

Enneagram 9:    Appropriate Action – in touch with self physically, emotionally, cognitively. Engaged, present, alive and vital. Committed to taking appropriate action when needed.